undesirable number one

fake decade review

2010-01-06T01:06:34Z

AS NOTED ON FACEBOOK I watched juno last night and didn't really like it. roger ebert, whom I normally respect (except for his knee-jerk politics and matching disdain for anyone who doesn't agree with his views) thinks juno was one of the best movies of the decade. I can think of SOOOOOO MANY movies from the last ten years that I liked better. some of them were even arty/farty. trying hard not to think too hard, here is one for every letter of the alphabet:

1. AMELIE
2. BATMAN BEGINS
3. CAPOTE
4. DARK NIGHT RETURNS-hey I like batman!
5. 8 MILE
6. FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING-I almost put finding nemo here but I could not forsake BOROMIR
7. GOSFORD PARK-i almost put ghost world FOR A REASON
8. HARRY POTTER AND THE PRISONER OF AZKABAN-lupin, ladies
9. INGLORIOUS BASTERDS
10. JAY AND SILENT BOB STRIKE BACK
11. KISS KISS BANG BANG-and I didn't even watch the whole thing
12. LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE-i didn't love this movie but we are going for EASY and it didn't irritate me
13. MEMENTO-didn't even make ebert's best of the decade list
14. NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN-ditto
15. O BROTHER, WHERE ART THOU?-ditto ditto!
16. THE PRESTIGE
17. THE QUEEN-i couldn't watch this twice, but it's still better than juno
18. THE ROYAL TENENBAUMS-fuck yeah
19. SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE
20. TRAINING DAY
21. UNDERCOVER BROTHER-better than UNDERWORLD or UNITED 93?
22. VANILLA SKY-another hard letter and I did not like V FOR VENDETTA
23. WALL E
24. X-MEN 2
25. YOU DON'T MESS WITH THE ZOHAN-i'm being honest here, I laughed a lot while watching this movie
26. ZOOLANDER

HOW ABOUT YOU? the oughts were a bad decade for me in general, so i'm not going to talk about them any more if possible. best tv shows, maybe.

sallybanner @ 2009-11-12T11:07:00

2009-11-12T16:07:20Z

what looks awesome? The goddamn tintin movie looks awesome. daniel craig, simon pegg, nick frost, edgar wright, stephan moffat and JAMIE BELL AS TINTINNNNNNNNNNNNN

sallybanner @ 2009-10-06T13:08:00

2009-10-06T17:12:49Z

most ugh-worthy news of the day: jim carrey is playing curly in a three stooges movie. not sure which part pisses me off more, jim carrey or the movie itself.

traffic today was retarded due to the unmotivated arriving late to a motivational extravaganza. lots of unmotivated random lane changing, unmotivated intersection blocking, and unmotivated bewildered looks on the faces of lucky sonsabitches who got to skip work only to fuck up downtown because they dont know where they are or where they are going. it's not that complicated!

my brother texted me to say he didn't know if dad had PLANS to FIX his new giant dog. great. act like fucking hillbillies EVEN MORE, why don't you. get the dog shot, as jason mentioned, because its hormones are making it roam the countryside in search of hot bitches.

sallybanner @ 2009-09-29T10:59:00

2009-09-29T15:01:31Z

weekend:

stayed in friday night and watched wolverine. not good.

went to jess's with sarah and suzie for patrick swayze memorial ladies night. made quacamole, played with nora (a baby), molly (a dog), hastings and baker (some cats) and a fireplace (fire). watched dirty dancing and to wong foo, tried not to cry about the swaze.

went to bed at 4am sunday morning, woke up at 4pm, went back to bed at 10pm.

WORK WORK WORK WORK WORK. all i do is go to work and come back home. then I do nothing and i live in squalor because of it.

sallybanner @ 2009-09-10T11:10:00

2009-09-10T17:24:13Z

josh's hot boss is moving to las vegas! I will remember his surprise bro style hug fondly, until I forget about it.

last weekend my dad pretty much made me come out and see him in new stanton, which is kind of a suburb of pittsburgh. The only reason why I agreed to this ridiculousness is that they are only about 30 mins from Fallingwater, and another FLW designed house called Kentuck Knob. I have to say that the terrible drive there and back (with labor day traffic and lane closures that conspired to keep me on a four mile stretch of road for an hour and 40 minutes), getting little rest and having to spend two days in a small space with my irritating dad and his more irritating wife WAS WORTH IT. Fallingwater is really nice, and is in the middle of the goddamn woods so you kind of don't expect there to be a house OF ARCHITECTURAL SIGNIFICANCE to appear through the trees.

this weekend i am going back to missouri, driving this time. I am sure that my cats do not appreciate me being away from them for so long, but other people have fucked up my plans to not do anything, ever.

jason and sarah have rock band: BEATLES. it's as good as I expected.

things I hate: workplace edition

2009-09-03T20:43:52Z

laptop backpack cases. oh it's made by victorinox! no one cares. backpacks stop being legitimate when you graduate junior high, unless you are going camping.

sallybanner @ 2009-08-27T12:27:00

2009-08-27T16:27:29Z

I know I've done this before but it's really fun:



		I will marry Boromir.
		After a wild honeymoon, We will settle down in david bowie\'s area in our fabulous Apartment.
		We will have 1 kid(s) together.
		Our family will zoom around in a brown rocketship.
		I will spend my days as a paranormal investigator, and live happily ever after.

sallybanner @ 2009-08-25T20:31:00

2009-08-26T00:57:02Z

jason's theory is that that the other guy on the island is esau, the biblical brother of jacob who was hairy and dark and always got the short end of the stick. makes sense.

not surprising that kate was always a shitty criminal. oh no mister I won't steal any more, unless I need to get a toy airplane. notice she did not promise not to lie and kill people.

given that richard's interest in locke stemmed from resurrected locke telling richard that he is supposed to be the leader, and that resurrected locke isn't really locke at all, but esau or whoever, is it possible that locke was not really all that awesome? or maybe jacob and esau both have equal sway over the magical properties of the island, and it was really esau that made sure that locke was healed so many times. jacob chose all the people who came to the island, but esau chose locke out of those people for his loophole plans.

rose and bernard's shack becomes jacob's shack at some point. I was really glad to finally see them, seemed really retarded for them to just disappear for three years. love rose's response to kate's whiny "JACK HAS A BOMB." Who cares? excellent. who does care, kate?

I have no theory on the mysterious OTHER OTHERS who claim to be good guys (like the original others) carrying locke's dead body around in a box. jacob's dream team. what are they doing, other than showing people that locke is actually dead? i like the big beardy guy though, he reminds me of dadchester.

so maybe esau is trapped on the island, can't take corporeal form, while jacob can come and go and is solid. maybe the guy in the shack, trapped by the ashes, is esau and not jacob.

jacob lives in a foot!

normally I side with sawyer on most things but I found during this episode that I had to go with jack, mostly because sawyer's concern re: the bomb was all due to kate's crying. best part of the episode though is when sawyer punches jack and then they start beating the crap out of each other. sawyer says I HAD A LIFE HERE, and it's sad, because sawyer was able to be a good guy, with a good job and a good woman and he wasn't always second guessing himself.

juliet's mom saying that people loving each other doesn't mean they should be together is just WRONG. if sawyer gets back with kate I will blow up hawaii. I of course believe that she survived her fall into the big hole and then a nuclear explosion even if the bomb doesn't reset everything.

In other news I am nearly ready to quit my job without any backup. if I can just make it to my vacation (in three weeks) maybe I won't kill anyone.

sallybanner @ 2009-08-25T12:17:00

2009-08-25T16:17:50Z

dear vegans:

the bees don't give a shit, and you're not helping anyone.

sallybanner @ 2009-08-18T14:19:00

2009-08-18T18:19:29Z

I think I am going to have a fucking meltdown

sonky has declared "LET THERE BE HAYS"

2009-08-14T17:07:55Z

it is an unprecedented FUCK YOU, FRIDAY and HAY DAY combo (HAY, FUCK YOU?). for those of you new to the hays, a brief description: instead of working, we post a list (and pictures) of people we find attractive or would say HAYYYYYYYYY to and encourage everyone to participate, either in comments or on their own journals.

ANCIENT CHILD VAMPIRE HAY:

I think it is the tattoos that really sell it. character-wise I am more fond of ERIC, THE VIKING but godric is super cute.

WHERE DO BAD FOLKS GO WHEN THEY DIE HAY:

mourn you till I join you, KC

CELEBRITY DREAM BOYFRIEND HAY:

you've got red on you. in my dreams, simon pegg is a really good kisser.

YO JOE HAY, ALTERNATELY PRISON RAPE HAY, ALTERNATELY RETARDED CHEAP DEATH ON LOST HAY:

alternately, unpronouncable african name hay, Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje.

UBIQUITOUS GAY HAY:

hay, fay wray. love your tits in king kong.

IF HE GETS HIS TEETH FIXED HE WILL RULE THE WORLD HAY:

neville longbottom grew up hot.

WHOM WILL YOU HAY, AMERICA?

IMPORTANT FACTS:

2009-08-07T19:28:15Z

1. i hate cartilage head

2. PEANUT BUTTER AND BONER JAMZ

3. damon (matt) is coming alive in nineteen sixty five five five

4. a friend gave me a clive barker book and because of TEDA i was expecting it to be full of anal rape but so far it is not so bad

5. fucking fuck you, torchwood writers and double fuck you if you also write for doctor who because you suck and I hate you

6. I am going to see the toy movie adaptation tomorrow with ashlee, ugh terrbile and I WISH I WISH I WISH it was just a feature length version of the PORK CHOP SANDWICHES PSAs

7. nobody in my immediate area knows the name of the middle aged lady that sits behind me. so urban!

8. DR. MANHATTAN'S GIANT BLUE DONG. multiple giant blue dongs. too bad you never see him slapping sally jupiter in the face with them because she certainly deserves it.

sallybanner @ 2009-07-29T18:19:00

2009-07-29T22:21:09Z

er so there was this internet exchange and I was trying not to be an asshole but I think this person was expecting me the WHOLE TIME to bust out with racial hatred because I advocated free speech. eventually I just stopped responding because the anticipation was insulting, not to mention disturbing. shouldn't you, you know, not want to see someone being a douche, even if that means you don't get to smite them with your righteous anger?

sallybanner @ 2009-07-28T14:06:00

2009-07-28T18:15:46Z

new interest: dadaist photo montage artist john heartfield.

I found out about this guy because I wanted to know how old siouxsie is, and her wikipedia page talked about how she was into him. wikipedia still annoys me (pedantic nerd fest) but I always find interesting shit that I was not looking for. for which I was not looking. goddamn prepositions.

can't get used to this stupid new shift. Went to bed at 9:15 like a proper old person but could not sleep. might go back to regular shift because there are people who actually WANT to be on this shift who have to wait their turn, apparently. I will give them what they want.

sallybanner @ 2009-07-22T22:02:00

2009-07-23T02:07:36Z

I think maybe the puker is delbert, because it was mostly hair and while I was brushing all three of the fuckers (prissy not so much because she is a pissy bitch), he was trying to catch tufts of hair so he could EAT THEM. I know hair is SO DELICIOUS but lets not make pigs of ourselves, d-b.

fuuuuuuuuuuuuug there is nothing more disgusting to me than HAIR in a MOUTH except maybe a weepy eye and shit I better stop thinking about this

SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT

2009-07-20T18:08:10Z

I should be working right now but sonky just dropped this on me: SEAN BEAN will be playing ned stark in a game of thrones.

1. I loved this book
2. hbo is the best network on tv for drama
3. SEAN MUTHERFUCKING BEAN
4. my favorite midget, peter dinklage, is playing one of the best characters

I am ready to shit myself over this show already. if it isn't good I will just have to up and die.

sallybanner @ 2009-07-17T15:24:00

2009-07-17T19:26:30Z

ok goddamn I am a sad sack of shit lately. have labeled certain entries as "PRIVATE" since they are embarrassing in light of how things turned out and blah blah I think someone wanted me to talk about the Lost finale? I will have to rewatch it and get back to you.

in other news, I have been to nashville twice lately and I really cannot figure out how famous people can stand to live there. it is sooooo boring.

television

2009-04-07T15:23:02Z

I don't know how much of lost I've missed out on commenting on because i was too busy trying not to die alone (and failing). I will go back TWO WEEKS for my own sake and plank, if that is not enough, let me know.

when juliet says "it's over isn't it" she means of course it is over between her and sawyer, not just it is over living with the dharmites and having a decent life with a good man for a change. sawyer and kate will end up grinding one out in the jungle at some point and I will have to consider shooting brian k vaughn in the brain even though in general I think he is awesome. kate of course has to believe the WORST about sawyer even though the information is coming from sawyer's ex who is understandably bitter about the dude. sawyer DID become a good guy, or more likely, discovered that he was not really a bad man at heart like he thought. kate is a cunt to believe otherwise, and typically just doesn't understand EITHER DUDE that she wants (thinks that jack will wait around for her forever, he might just end up with JULIET TOO because juliet is obviously the anti-kate). sawyer might grudgingly admit to not seeing a future with kate but that is NOT the reason why he jumped out of the helicopter. he was jumping so that goddamn HURLEY wouldn't have to. anything else was just gravy. maybe he DIDNT want to see his baby or his ex or KATE ever again but he could handle it if need be.

I love that kate is pretty much to blame for ben becoming an other for good. way to go, dummy. I can see not wanting a kid to die, but if you've made an effort with surgery and shit, that is pretty much as far as you go. you do not make a conscious effort to not only save hitler's life, but to make him hate jews as well.

in the previous episode, I was really rooting for sayid to kill ben and have some horrifying catastrophe occur in the space time continuuuuuuum. if richard and locke can exchange a magical compass that was never manufactured, why can't we have someone change the time line? speaking of that, jason made a great comment about kate giving ben HEPATITIS as a kid with her blood transfusion, and then ben giving kate the hep in his future/her past. haw

great to see william sanderson as dharma's sayid ("he's our you" !!!!) living in a teepee giving out lsd or whathaveyou to prisoners. you will talk! I don't remember much else about the episode except that i kind of feel bad for roger workman.

bsg: I didn't like the finale. when did starbuck lead the humans to their doom or whatever? how are these people going to be able to have a good life living in a goddamn cave and fucking cave people? that doesn't even make sense. head six and head gaius were angels? what? starbuck is an angel??? the only part I liked was the OMG JAPAN LOVES ROBOTS shit at the end, that was kind of scary. I also cried a little when anders flew the ships into the sun but anders never had much of a personality so throwing him that bone at the end was kind of pointless.

sallybanner @ 2009-03-21T19:35:00

2009-03-21T23:42:31Z

I am kind of too down and tired to say much about lost. I like that criminal, "blue collar" sawyer is THINKIN while jack is REACTIN. good episode, what the fuck is with the ages of certain OTHERS, it is way unbelievable. juliet apparently reminds ben of JULIET, weird that he doesn't notice she has the same NAME as well as face.

supernatural was one of the best episodes so far. so much pain and they are really stepping up the tension and making me believe the apocalypse is coming. I LOVE YOU, DEANCHESTER

sallybanner @ 2009-03-09T21:33:00

2009-03-10T01:33:35Z

yep

BANANA REVENGE

2009-03-09T17:34:20Z

the night of nik's birthday party out in milford, I had parked behind one of jason and sarah's hippie house neighbors and came back to find my hood dented and no note explaining or apologizing or any such shit. It was quite obvious that it was the PATHFINDER that I parked behind, they left a perfectly square dent where their ugly spare tire/bike rack crushed my hood. they had already returned by the time I went out to my car, so I felt around on the bike rack and found paint flakes from my car on it. I had planned on spray painting "car"ma on their vehicle but I wanted to wait a few months so that they wouldn't automatically assume it was me.

this weekend I had taken home a banana from work so that it wouldn't spoil on my desk. it ended up spoiling in my purse because I forgot about it. as I was leaving jason and sarah's place I found the banana, and planned on just chucking it in the street out of laziness. I saw that the pathfinder was parked right across from my car, though, and found a better purpose for the banana. I peeled it as I crossed the street and then jammed it under their door handle. hooray! the banana was already mostly black inside, so unless they smelled their hand they probably didn't know what the nastiness was that they found.

sunday as I was leaving jason and sarah's place again I saw the bitch that owns the pathfinder getting into it and she gave me a look. she can't really do anything though, because she would be admitting to damaging my car and not taking responsibility for it, even if she thinks she knows who banana-ed her car.

LOST!! HOLY SHIT!!

2009-03-06T18:13:27Z

holy shit this season is FUCKING GREAT. way to push all my OMG buttons at once, most recent episode.

first of all, GIANT FUCKING FOUR TOED STATUE. secondly, I am just completely freaking out about sawyer, jin, juliet, ghostbuster and faraday spending THREE GODDAMN YEARS with the dharma bums. that is so ridiculously depressing and somehow they managed to wrap it all up in one episode! so unlike lost writers to be moving things along like this. however, where are rose and bernard? the same question I seem to ask EVERY YEAR. they were flashing too, weren't they? where did they end up when the flashes stopped??? you'd think they'd be able to meet up with the rest eventually. maybe they have, and they just haven't told us about it yet. THIRDLY: JAWYER OTP!!!!!!!! goddamn that is so fucking satisfying, I was HOLLARING about how great it was to see sawyer with a woman who isn't a fucking COOZE and then THEY GUT ME at the end by bringing that fucking butthole half pooped turd back. i'm sure there will be all this redonkulous tension between the four of them that will be super stupid and sawyer will fuck kate again then she will cry and run back to jack and then juliet will be screwed over and that sucks because SHE IS AWESOME. I love that she is FIXING CARS for dharma, and then runs in and delivers a baby despite her fears that the island's baby issues will come back to fuck her over. I LOVE YOU, JULIET.

I am also wondering where horace's other lady friend went, the one that was played by river phoenix's last girlfriend, samantha mathis. what time period is this, where is ben? is ben all possessive and shit over juliet because she looks just like HERSELF from the past? that fits only she has the same name, so wouldn't he think she is the same person? also I am worried that they will end up getting killed when ben gasses the place.

overall, I think I like this episode the best. sawyer is doing his thing, being manly, juliet is shooting dudes and fixing cars, jawyer is awesome, jin speaks english like a native, richard is awesome, giant statue is amazing. sawyer saying ABSOLUTELY he is over that whore, fucking fuck yes. even the gut shot of her showing up at the end was great in a way (I enjoy pain, i suppose). can't wait for next week.

lost talkback, or why ben linus is the greatest tv character ever created

2009-02-27T18:30:08Z

apparently no one wants to know the five words I associate with them, which is fine, because i'm sure they wouldn't want to have to explain the word BUTTHOLE five times on livejournal. HMPH.

I am going to have to watch this episode again because there were parts where I was trying to whore bath-style clean my house since my dad is going to be coming this afternoon and letting himself in with a key I hid on the back porch.

first of all, how great is it that locke is NO LONGER DEAD? so great. this make me think maybe christian isn't really a ghost, maybe he's actually alive? but he couldnt help locke get up when he broke his leg, so who knows. maybe he is just in another dimension. second, I WAS RIGHT, whitmore WAS supposed to be the leader of the others, and he was ousted by ben. THIRDLY, the look locke gave that wheelchair. OH FUCK YOU, WHEELCHAIR. Don't talk to me, mr. dude from fringe! super awesome.

WALLLLLT MY SON MY SON MY SON's return didn't seem necessary. the whole "they've been gone three years!" thing does explain though why walt is now a fucking hulking brute, though.

and kate. kate kate kate. why are we supposed to like or even feel the slightest sympathy for this character, when she is the biggest bitchiest turd in the whole world? kate accuses locke of never having LOVED SOMEONE when kate herself only fucks dudes to get what she wants, and really only seems POSSESSIVE of aaron, really unlike an actual mother.

why I think ben linus is the greatest character ever: I watch a lot of tv and movies, I read a lot, I am usually able to figure out what is going on way before the REVEAL of plot twists and it bothers me because it takes the fun out of surprises. also I have a habit of just trying to figure out a twist and not really enjoying the movie/whatever if I know before hand that there is a twist. With ben, I have always assumed that nothing is as it seems, yet I keep FORGETTING ABOUT IT, and even if I didn't, I wouldn't friggin be able to EVER figure out what that crazy bastard is going to do next. HE IS BAFFLING. I have NO idea who is the "good" guy, whitmore or linus, and I didn't see the MURDER of locke coming at all.

that thing about the other thing

2009-02-26T18:36:50Z

WORD ASSOCIATION MEME: You reply. I give you five things I associate with you. In return, you post and explain those things and the whole ugly cycle continues.

from auntiec:

1. Snake: This is a nickname that Jason, auntie's husband in case you don't know, decided to give me once when I was talking to him on the phone and I liked it, so it stuck. He tried to change it once to "T-Bone" but I was having none of that. Note: Jason does not actually ever refer to me as snake any more.

2. Gary Hamtrangler and the Tranglin' Five: TWO PART THING! Gary Hamtrangler was a name I came up with in response to a trivial pursuit question that was probably not even directed at me. He promptly gained a backstory in order to fit into the F. Nutz Wilson (another made up person) pantheon of mythical characters and shady used car salesmen. Then, when sarah and I were going to start our own rock band rock band, she suggested GH and the tranglin' five as the name, which had to many characters but it's still awesome.

3. Deanchester: for some reason, probably DIXLYXIA, I kept calling dean winchester, from supernatural, DEANCHESTER in my head, until it slipped out and now the whole family has lost the space in between their first and last names: SAMCHESTER, DADCHESTER, MOMCHESTER, etc.

4. Fred Durst Lookalike: in D&D, I play a ROGUE ELF named BUFORD LONGFEATHER. I drew a picture of him and jason said it looked like FRED DURST WITH PINKEYE. no one ever shuts up about this EVER.

5. MAKE A SQUARE: i was watching sarah play lumines and i think I was probably high but I wanted to be encouraging, so I yelled DO IT RIGHT and then MAKE A SQUARE. now we say that during any game, be it FALLOUT 3, puzzle quest, streetfighter 4, YOU NAME IT.

sup

In honor of Who Gives a Shit Friday: ANOTHER HAY DAY

2009-02-20T20:05:16Z

DOUBLE THEME! LADIES I WOULD GO GAY FOR! MEN WHO ARE CURRENTLY DEAD!

OF COURSE my number one is BECKI NEWTON who is hilarious and I would do her up one side and down the other

birthday soulmate KRISTIN BELL! she is tiny and hot! see her in a bikini in forgetting sarah marshall! you'll lose your shit.

ALICIA KEYS as an ASSASSIN in SMOKIN ACES. I don't think she looks this awesome all the time.

hello SIR HOT ASS LAURENCE OLIVIER

apparently I have a type in this category says GARY COOPER

never really impressed by him as an actor (cool hand luke the exception) but i sure would have done goddamn PAUL NEWMAN

that is all i have time for, CONTRIBUTE YOUR OWN, WON'T YOU?